My Gift for Mother's Day

As our school year comes to an end I find myself suffering from a grumpy mood quite a bit. I'm tired of school and the kids are tired of school. This past weekend I did some soul searching while I was celebrating Mother's Day with my mom, sister, and grandma. As I sat there and listened to my grandmother's stories of her life and my mom's childhood I stopped to think about how selfish I have been. It bugs me to think about how many times a day someone asks me how I am doing and my reply is "I'm okay" The truth in fact is that I'm better than okay. I don't suffer from the diseases and illnesses others do. I have a safe, clean home. I have food on my table, money to pay my bills, and a family that I can always turn to. As we were leaving church on Sunday with my grandmother, she turned to me and held my face in her hands. She looked into my eyes and told me that I was on her list. To others "the list" isn't always a good thing. To my grandmother, "the list" is a prayer list. She later told my mother to keep an eye on me because something wasn't right about me. She without a doubt was right. A lot of things have been bugging me lately and I have been letting them get the best of me. I have been raised as a strong, independent, loving individual. My mother always told us that there are others out in the world who had it worse. When we would complain of not getting to go out to eat, but rather having to eat at home after church on Sundays, we would hear "there are people who don't even have enough to eat at home." Looking back, lunch on the patio table outside on Sunday afternoons with my family are some of my fondest memories. We didn't do anything fancy for mothers day. In fact, we went to church, went to eat, and then went back to the my grandmother's house. We spent the afternoon talking to her, while the kids played in the yard. We took pictures with her and she would ask us questions about our lives. It did me a world of good to just see her smile when I would talk about work. To me, I work...I have a job. To her, I am fulfilling my childhood dream. She reminded me of when I would erase my school papers and hand them out to my friends in my "garage school". As the afternoon went on I began to realize what I want my life to be. I don't want to be a 25 year old worrier or complainer. Yes, we all need to worry and we all need to vent, but to what end? Should our days be filled with more complaints or more thanks? What kind of memory do I want to leave in people's mind. There are some people that you just know are going to complain. It can be a simple hello and it turns into a world of negative comments. Sometimes that can bring a person down. It's hard to see the glass half full as opposed to half empty, but that's been my goal....to try. I look at the life of my grandmother, who has been through so many ups and downs and think how much I admire her. She got diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. While the rest of us were sick with worry and full of tears, she simply sat without a worry. When asked if she was scared she replied, "No, God has a plan for me". She has no worry about her cancer, but I can sit and worry about the next week and a half of school. I'm so stupid! How dare I complain about the insignificant things that occur at school or at home!!! So, as the school year does come to an end and it's easier to be grumpy and annoyed, my goal is to try harder, not only for the kids, but for myself. This week after being with my grandmother I feel better. I didn't realize how much energy and effort it took for me to complain and worry about little things. Sure, I've slipped a few times already, but I realize it, fix it and keep on moving. So, it was the best mother's day. Although I'm not a mother, I received the best gift....my grandmother's prayers!!!

Coming soon.....a picture of my cute grandmother, who has a moon for her as a survivor of cancer!